Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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