Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize