I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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