We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
