My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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