These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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