as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
