sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's never too late to be topless.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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