I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
