i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
