party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
