God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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