why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
