She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
