Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
