Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Where is the hickey?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
