Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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