My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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