Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
