it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
