No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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