he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize