the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
