Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
