Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
