I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
