i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just blew my weed a kiss
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize