And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
