Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
