You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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