she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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