but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
