Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you had me at cake vodka
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
