plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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