You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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