I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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