I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
