the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
