clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
