You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
