I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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