WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
