everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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