Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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