just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
