i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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