I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
