now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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