HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
