Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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