So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
