she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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