i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize