OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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