doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
