Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
