It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
