Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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