moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
