you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
