if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
