i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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