in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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