Have you finally orgasmed yet?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
