apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
