When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I FOUND THE LEGS
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
