Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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