R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
