were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is wine microwaveable?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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