I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
accomplished twins. life is a go
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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