Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
