Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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