The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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