Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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