We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
