I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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