A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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