and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
