if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
two words: eviction party
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
