Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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