he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
