I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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