Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
