I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
