please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
