woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
