Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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