You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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