There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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