I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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