I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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