I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
